This morning, I had the *pleasure* of standing in line at a grand opening of a huge Forever 21 (swoon!) near my house. I use pleasure incredibly sarcastically because the people I had to wait near were in the running to be awarded the Worst Line-Standers in the World trophies.
I decided instead of following them to their cars and stealing their gift cards (yes, we were given gift cards for being the first 300 people to be in line), I would write a special article about etiquette when you are among the masses. This goes for any sort of line/queue situation: concerts, grand openings, rides at amusement parks, etc.

1. Convos. You are standing in very close proximity with people you do not know. If one does not know the proclivities of others within earshot, one should not engage in conversations about politics, religion, or any sort of inflammatory subject. Because there are few things worse than someone correcting your discrepancies or idiocy while having to wait 2 hours in front of them, mortified.

2. Cell phones. Seriously, do rules need to be posted every 5 feet about how and when to use them?

• do not engage in meaningless conversation just because you are bored in line. Do not call people to gossip at 7 in the morning. Texting is acceptable, as long as your phone is set to vibrate or silent.
• turn off your ringer while in line. other people don’t want to hear your “Mamma Mia!” ringtone while trying to not strangle you.
• if your kids have not learned to sit still, be quiet, or stop complaining every 2 minutes, leave them at home. no, for real, leave them or don’t come. do NOT give them your phone, or let them play with the ringtones on their phone as an option.

3. Smoking. Do not do it while in line. If you absolutely have to have one, you either 1) ask someone to save your spot while you go across the street at least somewhere where the wind is blowing away from the line to do your nasty deed or 2) tough it out like everyone else. Do NOT smoke in line unless you live where it is acceptable, like on the moon, or Paris.

4. Causing Ruckus-es.Ruckii? Anyway. Do not pick fights with people because they are: not dressed up enough, too dressed up, ugly, pretty, standing in front of you, or being any of the above things. Obviously lines are not forever, and there’s no use wasting all your kung fu skills on someone who will just try to give you the finger anyway. That’s what your blog is for. 🙂

Things I Like to do Whilst Standing in Lines:

1. Read. If I am standing by myself, or it will be a really long stand in line, I like to bring magazines or a small book in my purse. This makes the time absolutely fly by because you get so engrossed in what’s going on. It’s my number one way to tune all the uglies in line out. 🙂

2. Journal.I also like to bring my Moleskine and jot down one of two things. 1) either ideas i get for decorating or ideas for writing on my blog or 2) making stick figure sketches of the awful people around me*. That is not causing a ruckus unless the people are leaning over my shoulder, in which case, they get what’s coming to them. But i love people-watching, so small little sketches remember the outstanding moments in this godforsaken line.

*The best one of this morning was the guy who strutted by no less than 5 or 6 times. I knew he thought the street  was his catwalk, because one time he walked all the way up the line just to throw away a can of soda he could have easily tossed in the back, where no one was! Hi-larious! Sadly I don’t have a scanner at work or i would let you see the ridiculous drawing i made of him!

3. Munch.When I know I will be in one place for a long time, I know the munchies will creep up on me. Most of the time I try and keep it healthy, and luckily I adore carrot bites as a snack. Every once in a while though, you gotta junk-out. A line is a great example. Starbucks, McD’s, Einstein’s – get a hearty breakfast on the go and indulge. It softens the blow of having to be around the Great Unwashed. I use that term loosely because the three girls ahead of us were rockin’ the “wash your hair once a week to keep your hair scene” look a little too hard. And when I say a little, I mean, well-let’s just say I could fill my oil pan by combing their hair. (wow, that took a sidetrack from food. the editor apologizes.)

4.Mental telepathy. Okay, I threw this one in as a joke, but it is rather fun to stare at someone and “will” them to turn around and look at you. It is silent, secret fun. 🙂

While I know these are only the tip of the queue iceberg, These are the ones that stand out most in my mind after sitting 2 hours amongst suburban, spoiled girls. Any more tips?