*warning: this post is very verbose.*

I am having perpetual difficulties in the staying asleep category this last month, and it is starting to mess with me. Not necessarily Al Pacino mess-with-me, but headaches are more common, and I find myself unable to sleep through the whole night.

When I do manage to fall asleep, I have dreams that are so real and I have to exert so much effort in them, that I wake feeling like I haven’t slept at all. I thought that maybe looking into and interpreting them would help, since I am a big believer in subconscious/dream associations. Turning to online interpretation sites proved very helpful. Scarily helpful.

• In my first dream, I was walking down a calm, quiet cottage-laden street with someone who was supposed to be my boyfriend. In front of us a bear sitting at a street intersection became visible. At first I was confused, but then my boyfriend starting backing away, like he knew it was going to be there. I started yelling to him, and the bear started to bound for me. I broke into a full-speed run, but the bear was, excuse the pun, bearing down one me. Then I woke up. Apparently, to see a bear in dreams symbolizes independence, and a period of introspection and renewal. That felt extremely good to read. I have been thinking a lot more about my lot in life, what I want to get out of it, how hard I want to work for my creativity. 

• The next one was awful. I had a teeth pulling dream. I have been dreading going to the dentist, because I am afraid I will have to have major work done. So, that might be partly why I had the dream. Anyway, the dentist was crazed about cavities, and it kind of spiraled into a melted, skewed Ralph Steadman cartoon as he ripped out every single one of my teeth.  Having cavities indicates feelings of insecurity or a lack of self-confidence. Which I do feel on a steady basis. The beginning of the month I was questioning everything I pour myself into not being enough. Hence the other dream.

•  The last dream was about cupcakes. Two very special cupcakes. It was my birthday in my dream, and my fmaily had pooled their resources and made me two cupcakes: one was lavender and had “Bon Anniversaire” iced onto it, and the other was a mountain of blood red glittering frosting. It was like Dorothy’s Shoes had stirred the batter. We were in a big ballroom, like on the set of a Rogers/Astaire film, and we had a dance contest. My aunts and cousins were on the dais that held the band, holding my cupcakes. Some older woman won the dance, and when they reached over the band dais to give her the grand prize, she took my big cupcake! She just started eating it, and the glitter went everywhere. I was crushed and infuriated. To dream of cupcakes are indicative of a sweet reward. So you can only imagine what someone STEALING it could mean. It also could represent that I need to downsize an aspect of my life. Which is, unfortunately, right on the money. I have been piling too many things on my plate I have been forced to give up things that matter to me. So, unfortunately for my ever-expanding idea notebooks, it will all be on hold to finish up the entrees on my plate before heading back to the buffet line for that next cupcake.

Little bit at a time, jess.