Fragmented Elementary School Memories

Inspired by Kelly Oxford’s own memory post.


  • School was so crowded we had class in a “portable,” which was just one of those manager trailers at a construction site. But with more desks.
  • I had a boyfriend, ‘Kyle.’ He picked flower-weeds for me on the playground. I decided I didn’t want to be his girl anymore, so he kicked me all the way to class one day. I silently cried and never told anyone.
  • We had a graduation from kindergarten and our parents came and some boy was named Class Clown. I was so mad and because I wasn’t, even though I had no idea what a Class Clown entailed.

Every Field Day:

  • Panic attacks would ensue. Not because I’m a particularly poor athlete, just the possibility of humiliation, being last. It doesn’t sound so serious, but the attacks started to become an everyday thing (before school started, when a teacher would call on me, etc.) that I didn’t have checked out until about 3 years after I graduated from high school. Doctor said I had a mild social anxiety disorder. But that’s a story for another post. So yeah, field day sucked.

Every Rainy Day in Elementary School:

First Grade:

  • Had a teacher with a name 13 or 14 letters long. We called her Miss D.
  • Was introduced to the ICMM Card. And probably the first way to get myself hated by all the ADD, non-attentive kids. “Hey look guys, I get to have a Friday Recess this week because I did what I was told!” “DWEEB, you’re gonna be out there alone!”

Second Grade:

  • weird cage-style swings were installed on the playground. I cannot find pictures of them online to save my life. They were orange and you had to pump them with your hands once you got going.
  • began the era of chasing boys because I liked them/ they made fun of my ears/ they were mean to someone/ just to be competitive

Third Grade:

  • I filmed (with my mom as cinematogrpaher) a “Save the Rainforest” PSA commercial for class, and used Happy Meal Disney toys Rajah and Baloo to show rainforest animals in their natural habitat. I believe I was also wearing a HYPERCOLOR t-shirt.
  • Recess turned into a game of how big a chanting-lil-kid-circle we could make. For a significant amount of child time (probably a week), we had at least a 20-kid diameter circle. This was the last grade that boys and girls could hand hold and it was about fun and frivolity, and there were no cooties.
  • Can’t be entirely sure it wasn’t earlier, but started the Gifted class at school, SAGE. As if I needed another reason to be outed as a nerd to my fellow students. Our teacher was very strict and awesome in her wise, smarty-pants ways, so of course we nicknamed her Dragon Lady. She wasn’t Asian, and we knew nothing of stereotypes way back then.

Fourth Grade:

  • Was nicknamed “Alexander the Grape” by my guy friends because of the Otter Pop. Am thinking about resurrecting said nickname as a pseudonym for my novellas.
  • During P.E. team games, the members of the losing team’s punishment was to do the Pee-Wee Herman dance.
  • Getting notes from my best friend, and returning them with the spelling mistakes corrected. It was amazing I even had a friend.
  • Had my very first male teacher, who had the most awesome beard-to-striped-shirt ratio this side of the 70’s. He was the one who ignited my fascination with astronomy and science I have today. Who knew the two things I liked most had some of the most complex math ever? BOO

Fifth Grade:

  • reading the encyclopedias. Sounds like a tortuous class lesson, but in actuality, it’s what only I did in class. Everyone else would be learning their state capitals, while I would be reading Greek Myths. I was obsessed with Greek and Egyptian myths when I was younger (actually, I still am). By the way, for anybody thinking because of this I didn’t know my state capitals, I still know them all, and I got straight A’s until my sophomore year of high school. Once again, a wonder I had even one friend.

Sixth Grade:

  • Moved to a new school and like my other 5 years of schooling, was shy beyond all belief. I didn’t believe I had made enough friends to warrant a party when my mom asked. So, she called one of my only friends and they set to the task of throwing me a surprise party. I had no clue until they opened my garage and it was decorated like a little grunge (it was ’95-96, gimme a break) birthday paradise. I received Ace Ventura as a present.
  • Went to AstroCamp in California, thanks to being smart. Made a rocket, put together a space center underwater. While there, I ate ants when a friend dared me too (Love you, Mark, RIP). Another friend left chips in our dorm room and we had ant infestation. Creepy kid was obsessed with them and kept talking about trying to “locate the Queen to destroy her.” Was surprised he didn’t turn into a crew member on Starship Troopers or Aliens.

3 thoughts on “Fragmented Elementary School Memories

  1. 6th Grade: Kristen Nicoletti left those chips out – the little turd.. that kid was an effin whack job about the Queen and I still wonder to this day if he is, in fact, the real unibomber.. and yes.. oh yes.. I was at your surprise birthday party.. that is when Tyler Richardson (or Jeff Anderson) came up to me and said “Hey, you still dating Taylor Osborne?” and I was like “Yeah” and he says.. “NOT ANYMORE!!” Man.. kids can be so cruel.. (“we can? Thanks Mom!”)

    1. I agree with all that stuff. Remember when we were sure that aaron was making that kid mad so much so that he was going to eject the bathroom on the plane and aaron would go flying?!

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