In honor of my dear, darling, wonderful and witty Best Fu**in’ Friend Forever, NeesyWeesy, here are some of her flashes of brilliancy, via our texts and conversations:

snapping some kid’s neck when she was younger.

“My chef asked me yesterday what the said about my coworker I told him they diagnosed him with a mild case of being a pussy. They prescribed him a pair of balls to use daily until further notice.”

“I almost lived the American Dream by watching my job catch on fire. I just watched a pan randomly catch fire on its own and then catch a rag on fire next to it and son and so forth…
but alas somebody stopped the fire. Now it smells like like the broken dreams of what could have been.”

“Men are the new women.”