Dearest Joan Marie,

Happy Birthday! You don’t look a day over 40, and yet you are turning 55. I have loved you since I was little (Crimson and Clover was my jam, next to anything by Queen), and a few years ago I got to see you in person.

Remember when you were in Arizona and sick and hawked loogies and flung sweat from your chest into the audience? I was there, too! And while I didn’t get sick from your rock-germs, I did one of your guitar picks and hung out with your band, the Eagles of Death Metal and your tour bus after the show. Probably a highlight to my life I will talk about to the end of my days. I love you forever, I like you for always. As long as I’m living, the 2nd head of Rocker Lady Mount Rushmore you’ll be.