20 Years of Mourning


The La Pieta statues was on his casket. A tiny detail I remember because of my friend’s father telling me all about the meaning behind the statue.

Today is the twentieth anniversary of a close friend’s death.
Mark was 12; we were all 12. It was an early morning hit and run as he walked to school early, as was all our custom.

I don’t really want to talk about the details of his death, or the funeral, or that part. Because it’s hard enough to remember his voice, and the way his mind worked, the things he loved and the conversations we had. Not a month goes by I don’t think about him, and how most of us in the small “smart kids” group have stayed in touch, became adults, and have kids of our own (well, “their” own – unless you count Tortilla.)

These last couple years I have thought about him more, and I have been thinking a lot about the close friends and loved ones I have lost, a lot more lately. Of course I know death is inevitable, and I have been working on come to terms with that for a while. Not only have I seen 3 of my 4 grandparents die, but step-parent’s parents as well. An extended grandparent mourning circle. And I take comfort in the fact that they were all old, and lived full lives, and their children carry on their legacy, and stories, and I cherish that.

I have also experienced several deaths in my life that have been sudden, unexpected, and gutting.

Even as a 12 year old kid, I knew that Mark’s death was not fair, not expected (we lived in the northern part of a what was then sleepy suburb), and wouldn’t leave me.

I thought that grieving was something that you “get over” with time, like a break up, or a papercut. But I was 12, what the fuck did I know?

As more people I cling onto die, I realize that for every single person alive, and for each person they lose, the grief and mourning is different. Endless parallel universes of loss.

I wish I could have gone to see every single new Star Wars movie with Mark, and talk about them ad infinitum. I think about the rest of us “dorks,” going to high school, prom, gettings cars, losing our virginity, spending so much time on the internet, finding “careers” (long term careers are another post entirely), finding lovers, breaking up, food trucks, fancy dinners you can actually pay for, traveling the world to climb mountains just for fun, siblings having kids. I want to share that with him, and I guess, when I think about him, I do.

But I have no doubt he would still tell me I belong on the “Funny Farm.”

Galentine’s Day

Galentines Card via Parks and Rec FB page

I made a little guide to some gifts for your Galentines.

Galentines Collage Clockwise, from top right: Paper heart wall display, Honeybee Vintage;

nail art Tumblr; DIY Perfume Locket, the Hairpin; Crepe Paper Roses, Filthy Wizardry;

Felt Coffee Sleeves, Martha Stewart; Pink Chocolate Chip Cookies, tablespoon;

Garance Dore print; Valentine Tattlys

Road Trip: Today, Tomorrow

road-trip-yayphoto credit

I will be taking a road trip today after work to visit the Meggsy in Tucson. I will miss my beau and Tortilla terribly, but I am hoping to get some great photobooth shots with my friend. It promises to be a most interesting two days. Which is why I will return with much photographic evidence. Make sure you most definitely check back April Fools’ Day for some spectacular news and the like!!
Ex OH Ex Oh,
The Pep-editor!

Feat of Friends

ah-sneeze-and-robin1oops! i can’t find the photo credit!

“Now that you are here with me, what we have is a great strength of feet.” –Ah-Sneeze (Isaac Hayes), Robin Hood, Men in Tights

While unpacking and organizing my old journals and notebooks, I realized I had a lot of things written in them about, and from, friends. Not anything salacious or blackmail-esque, just random things they did for me, funny quotes that made me laugh so hard I cried, and pictures, pictures, pictures! When I think about my grandmother and all her friends, I feel very happy that I took so many pictures of when I was young so my grandkids will know all the crazy fashions and stages I went through with my friends by my side.  For a girl who started out the adventure of life with very few friends, and an elementary school of bad memories and teasing, I am very grateful for the close friends I carry with me today. I love meeting new people who stimulate the air around me. Continue reading “Feat of Friends”